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I’m really not surprised at all of the hubbub from the small penis crowd. There’s a lot of pressure, and a big society message that bigger is better. Yes, it fucks with your head. Yes, it fucks with your security. Yes, it fucks with your confidence. The good news is, it really doesn’t have to.
I’m a 36-year-old mostly straight male who has never been described as an Adonis. I’ve always been a little on the chubby side, and my penis probably varies between 4.5″ to 5.5″ depending on how much fat I’m carrying at any particular point in time. However, I’ve had the opportunity in my life to have had a great many lovers before settling down into a remarkably fulfilling long-term relationship. Being someone who’s had a reputation of being an amazing lover, and of being a kinky son of a bitch, I figured maybe I can assuage some of your concern by sharing some of the things I’ve learned along the way. Yes, this advice won’t work for everyone. Yes, this advice won’t work ON everyone. However, I assure you, if you take it to heart, you’ll find your sexual relationships to be far more fulfilling, and it will probably go a long way to getting you to chill out about your cock size.
(Oh, and this advice is for straight guys. Nothing against you gay dudes, I just don’t have enough experience with you to say anything worthwhile.)
1 – Learn to talk.
Seduction always begins with conversation. You MUST first engage a woman’s mind if you want to engage with her body. Find out who she is, what she’s interested in, what her experiences have been. Ask her about sex, what she likes, what her fantasies are. Tell her what yours are. (Pro-tip: If early in the conversation, she mentions how she loves huge horse cocks, this is probably not the right partner for you. Move on). As you move into an erotic comfort zone with her (meaning that there’s clear sexual tension between you), tell her what you’d like to do. Be detailed. When, where, how, the setting. Describe how you think it would feel. Describe how much you want it, how it’s making your cock throb just thinking about it. Tell her how you couldn’t help but masturbate thinking about her. Before you ever turn on her body, you’ve got to turn on her mind. Mental sex is the BEST foreplay.
2 – Educate yourself on her anatomy.
For god’s sake, learn where the clitoris is, and what its purpose is. More than that, understand that women are COVERED in erogenous zones…it’s not all about the pussy. Your hot breath on her shoulder as you move in from behind to nibble the place where it connects with her neck can have far more turn-on effect than your clumsy fumbling around in her panties. Learn the specific variances of HER anatomy…some women like their nipples bitten and sucked, while to some, anything other than the most delicate of touching on their breasts is painful. Even in a single woman, there can be variances depending on the time of the month. Which leads me to…
3 – Pay Attention.
Human sexual response is physiological. It’s observable. There are visible keymarkers that will tell you if you’re doing it right. PAY ATTENTION. Is her breathing getting deeper, louder, faster paced? Did her body arch toward you when you touched her, or did she pull back? Are her cheeks flushed? Did her nipples perk up? Read her body language, and adjust what you are doing accordingly. Err on the side of softness with each new thing that you do, and build up to more pressure/intensity based on her body’s responsiveness to your actions.
4 – SLOW DOWN
Yes, sometimes it’s going to be a quickie, wham bam thank you ma’am kind of thing. Sometimes, that’s all a woman wants. However, I hear far more often that there is a rush to insertion. This is a HUGE mistake, especially if you’re worried about your penis size. You know how blood engorges your penis, making it hard? Blood also engorges the vagina and vulva, making it smaller and tighter. This is directly to your benefit. If you’ve brought her to climax before you ever slide inside her, you’re going to find that she’s tighter and hotter than if you just go straight for the main course. Take the time to explore her body, finding all of her erogenous zones, and engaging them. Kiss her all over. Touch her, long and slow, tracing the curves of her hips, and letting your fingers dance lightly across the upper pubis before engaging her clit. Cup her vulva, letting the warmth of your hand transfer to her. Lick, nibble, and taste EVERYTHING. When you’re going down on her, treat it like her pussy is the most delicious ice cream you’ve ever had, complete with your own sounds of enjoyment. If you’re fully engaging her, you’re going to know when it’s time, because she will be so ready that her body will be begging you to be inside her.
5 – Fuck like you have a big dick, even if you don’t.
When you enter her, slide in slow, and just enough to feel the wetness. Back out, and then back in a little deeper. Repeat that process until you finally feel it slide completely home. Don’t get lost in your own sensation, no matter how good…think of your cock as a finger with which you are touching her inside. Don’t just jack hammer away, hold her tightly, and deliberately thrust inside her. Bury yourself to the hilt, and hold it there for a second, pressing into her as hard as you can. If you’re in a missionary position, adjust your position so that you’re “riding high”, with your pubis pressing into hers. Shift your hips as needed, and add some side to side motion, so that you’re touching her in different places inside as you move together. If you’re in a position where you can reach, touch her vulva and clitoris while you’re moving inside her. In all of these things, remember all the previous tips…talk to her, pay attention to her body’s responses, and take your time.
If you saw me on the street, you’d never think of me as “The guy who gets all the girls”, and yet I’ve had an extremely varied and very fulfilling sex life by being a competent, attentive lover, who’s never afraid to explore new things and test my (and her) limits. Your lack of confidence will utterly fade away if you’re having good sex every time, and your new self-confidence will only lead to better sex, and more opportunities.