Small Penis Humiliation Versus Small Penis Teasing

by Small Penis

Small Penis Humiliation or (SPH) as it is commonly referred to has gotten by far the most interest and attention from readers of this blog for the last several months. I think the reason for that is because a lot of our readers are either already engaged in some form of it, or are merely fascinated by it. But, there is still some confusion over exactly what it is, or what it should be. As I have said previously, I actually believe that Small Penis Teasing (SPT) is a separate, stand-alone fetish of its own that is different from SPH. Let me explain what I mean.

When I first attempted to describe it for readers several months ago, I suggested that a more appropriate term for what I personally wanted might best be referred to as “Small Penis Teasing.” A lot of men posted comments or wrote to me privately and said, “Thank you for making the distinction between teasing and humiliation, because I definitely want the teasing but not humiliation.” This is why I tried to make the distinction in the first place, because I do believe there is a difference.

The problem for me (and I think a lot of people) is the word “humiliation” because it brings with it a very negative connotation. If you do any searching for the definition of small penis humiliation on the Internet, even the definitions don’t seem to fit. One definition I read started with “…a man who gains sexual arousal when his wife or girlfriend makes derogatory comments about the size of his penis (length and/or girth)…” The only problem I have with this statement is the word “derogatory.” For example, if my wife says “Steve you have a little penis,” there is nothing derogatory about that, because it’s actually true and it just so happens to really turn me on. But, if she said, “Steve you have a pathetic little dick,” that would be an example of a derogatory comment. So, I think there is a difference.

Another common statement you will find in most definitions of SPH refers to “…our inability to satisfy our women sexually…” For at least some of us, that isn’t always true either. Rather, we are capable of satisfying out wives (even if we use dildos to do the job), but we still crave the teasing.

Probably the most objectionable statement I read came from one definition which ended with the phrase: “…his inability to please a woman, which implies his worthless as a man.” When I read that statement I realised why I have a major problem with the definition. It simply doesn’t fit, or at least it doesn’t fit for me. I don’t feel worthless and never will, and I don’t know many other small endowed men that want to feel that way either.

I was reading an article that was written by a very astute female, who was speaking about this very topic, and she put it perfectly when she said: “Most of us would agree that the fulfilment of a sexual fetish is not worth it if the end result is to live in a permanent state of self-loathing or self-denigration. Simply berating a man who has lost all self-respect due to his sexual insecurities is not necessarily very erotic.” I think this was extremely well said and articulates why the typical definition of SPH doesn’t seem to work for a lot of us.

Over the years I have talked to a countless number of men who are really, really into SPH. But, when we get down to specifics, what the majority of them want is better defined as teasing, not humiliation. Don’t get me wrong, some do want the humiliation, but many of us prefer the teasing.

Let me explain how all of this got started in my own relationship. Perhaps some of you might identify with it. My wife and I have a great sex life and there are plenty of orgasms to go around. But early on in our relationship she used to sometimes refer to my erection as a “big” boner. (Tip for the ladies: Don’t ever tell a small endowed man that he has a big one.) That used to confuse me because we both knew I was small. Anyway, a few years later, I asked her to honestly tell me what she thought of my penis size, and she finally admitted that yes, I was “on the small side.” What happened next was unexplainable. I got an instant amazing erection in like two seconds, and she noticed. I was very confused by my own reaction. It wasn’t long after that I explained to her that I wanted to seek out a sexual therapist because I felt like I had unresolved issues about my penis size I wanted to clarify once and for all. Since she knew all about my past penis size insecurity issues, she encouraged me to go, and I did.

I found this amazing female sexual therapist and went through my whole sexual history with her. When I explained that I was confused about why I had gotten an immediate erection when my wife acknowledged that I was small, she said something to me that was very profound and the light bulb went on. She said, “It arouses you because you’re eroticizing what has always been a negative feeling for you.” I had never thought of it in that way before, but it was very true. She continued by saying, “Steve, what you want is for your wife to acknowledge your internal truth and by her doing so, it will also demonstrate her acceptance of your small penis.” She was right on again, so, when I conveyed all of this to my wife, the small penis “teasing” began. Yes, I do enjoy it, and she never does it in a “humiliating” way, just a little teasing, and she’s always very happy with my reaction, so we just have a lot of fun with it. If you haven’t read her article about her feelings about this subject I would encourage you to read it. She is very creative – much like the intent of the image above.

So how would I define small penis teasing? That’s a good question. This probably isn’t the perfect definition, but is certainly a much more moderate definition than SPH.

“Small penis teasing is defined as a man who gains sexual arousal when his wife makes frequent honest comments about the small size of his penis (length and/or girth), and being compared to her dildos or other men who are better-endowed, and his need to compensate for his penis size by being sexually creative.” This probably isn’t a perfect definition but is a start.

So, what are some of the differences between small penis teasing and small penis humiliation? I have given this a lot of thought and I think there are some definite differences between the two. This isn’t a comprehensive list to be sure, but it’s a start.

Small Penis Teasing


Small Penis Humiliation


Frequent and “honest” comments and reminders that we have small penises


Derogatory comments about our penis size


Being compared to our partner’s dildo’s


Wearing a cock cage


Being compared with other more well-endowed men in videos and photos


Wearing women’s panties


Being compared with former lovers


Denied or controlled orgasm


Being reminded that we need to compensate for our small penises by being better at oral and more creative in bed


Withheld sex from their partner


Being challenged sexually to “measure up”


Being treated like a slave


Being kept on edge by occasional subtle reminders that maybe size does matter


Open references to the husband being worthless as a man


Now, let me be clear, there are definitely some men who are really, really into small penis humiliation in every sense of the word, and this post is in no way intended to cast them in a negative light, I’m merely trying to illustrate some non-judgmental differences between teasing and humiliation. And to be sure, some couples bridge both the SPT/SPH worlds by incorporating things from both. But, overall, I do think there are some differences.

Lastly, one man asked me a very important question about SPH/SPT. He said, “Do you think it is okay to force SPH on someone who does not want it?” I would say, unequivocally, the answer is no. Just like any sexual act, whatever you do with your partner should be consensual. In my case, I love small penis teasing, and my wife likes to provide it. If one of us didn’t want it, then it would be best left undone.

As always, please accept this post in the spirit in which it was intended which is merely to provide my two cents worth on what I see as the differences between small penis humiliation and small penis teasing. I’m not endorsing or advocating either of these activities, just trying to shed some light on this very fascinating topic.

What do the rest of you think? Does this explanation make sense?

Lastly, are you into SPT or SPH or some combination – or are you not into neither?

 

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The opinions expressed in this article are the authors, and do not represent this site.

 

11 Comments

  1. I’m really glad I stumbled upon this article. I didn’t even know what SPT was until I discovered it by accident in my own relationship. I’m a gay man in a relationship with another man. All my life I’ve been into big dicks, and I like mature older men (“daddies”). I’ve been in a relationship with a nice handsome older man now for 5 years. He’s 6’4″ tall, big man, and I remember thinking that he may have a big dick. When I first had sex with him and I undressed him he was flaccid, and I remember thinking “Oh, it’s kind of small” but than I told myself maybe he’s a grower not a show-er. Once things got hot and heavy between us and he had a firm erection, his dick was average at best, and I remember feeling a little disappointed that he wasn’t well endowed, but I was happy that he at least was uncut (he’s from Europe where they don’t mutilate their baby boys unless you’re Jewish or Muslim), so him being uncut was a nice offset for the fact that he was “only” average. Anyway, I’m kind of a size queen and felt this somewhat deep dissatisfaction with his penis size. I’m a very visual person, so I watch lots of porn, and I take lots of pictures of my partner, who I’m very much attracted to, he’s very handsome and he has a nice body, so I love photographing him. Anyhow, I sort of discovered that he was into SPT over time, but it wasn’t apparent at first. Firstly, he would make periodic comments about having a small penis, and I would always say reactively “You don’t have a small penis! You have a very nice penis!” and I would say this because I thought he was feeling sorry for himself and being negative about his size. One time I was fucking him and he was on his back, and he was flaccid and his dick did look pretty tiny, and he grabbed his penis and he sort of flicked it and he said “little dicky.” I sort of smiled I guess amused but I didn’t get it. Anyhow, He takes a lot of business trips so it’s very common for me to be sitting at home alone while he’s off in another country. Since I’m very visual I would ask him to take provocative pictures of himself and send them to me for my own enjoyment, something between the two of us, cyber sex I suppose while he’s away. So he would oblige and take pictures for me, and in all the pictures he took his dick was flaccid and he would always take them in ways or from angles that made it look small. And I remember being annoyed thinking “I want you to have an erection and taunt me with your hard dick! I want to see some drive!” So anytime he would take these pictures for me I would think “good grief his dick looks small, he doesn’t seem to get it, he doesn’t know how to tease me.” This went on for a couple of years before it hit me like a ton of bricks in a pretty shocking epiphany. I can’t believe it took me so long to figure this out, but I realized that he liked having a “small” penis and he wanted to be teased for it. It all made sense, the types of pictures he would take, the off hand comments about having a small penis or looking like a greek statue, etc. I remember when I had this epiphany I was, very strangely, turned on by it. I don’t know why, I always liked big dicks (still do), but something about teasing my partner for having a small penis suddenly became very arousing for me, and it’s still something that puzzles me (why I’m turned on by it) although I suspect it’s because of the intimacy involved mostly and feeling like I’m connecting with him on a deeper level. So as soon as I “got it” I started to tease him about his small penis and I realized that he really enjoys it. Like I’ll take a picture of him and mirror some of his comments and say something like “You look like a greek statue in this picture,” or I’ll just affirm him if he makes a comment about having a small penis, like I’ll say “yes, you have a small pipi (pee-pee) but I like your small pipi, I like you the way you are.” I can tell this makes him happy. Another one of my favorites is often times when we are making out I’ll look down and compare our penis size (I’m much larger than he is) and I’ll put my penis next to or on top of his to show the size difference and I’ll look up at him and smile and he will start laughing and may even say something like “not even close!” or something like that. Anyway, I have found that this sort of subtle teasing has really brought us closer together. But I happen to agree with the teasing vs humiliation part of this post. My partner is very sensitive and I can say that he would not want to be humiliated, he wants to be affirmed and loved and teased in a playful manner, but not degraded. I’m not sure why he is into SPT, but I have a few hints. He’s a very very shy man, and I remember him telling me how in HS he started to get really tall and he felt self conscious and embarrassed about it. He wanted to be small and not draw attention to himself. I think that he still on some level wants to be diminutive and since he can’t be diminutive as a man since he’s so tall, he can be diminutive in another way, such as having a small penis, so he’s sort of just latched himself onto that I guess.

    Anyway, so this teasing between him and I has been going on for about a year now and only now have I decided to Google search it and sure enough there are lots of men and women who are into this. I’m surprised but not so surprised this is a thing. I find it very interesting that it was discovered in my relationship without it being presented as a “thing” if you know what I mean. Like, it’s not like he told me “I’m into this thing called SPT, it’s a fetish, bla bla bla.” No, it just naturally arose in my relationship and only later discovered that it was a fetish. In fact, I would say that he probably isn’t into it as a formal fetish. If he were to see this website he wouldn’t be into it, he wouldn’t be into uploading pictures and being teased. He doesn’t seek it out like that, but he does enjoy the dynamic in the relationship, which is nice.

    Anyway, I’m really glad I found this article. I wish I could upload some pictures of my partners penis so you could see what I mean in the way he takes his pictures, his penis looks really small.

  2. Shaming, or being a source of amusement, is very different. Both are sought though. So go with your instincts, but understand, she may have decided other than you about the same proclivity.

  3. As a Gold member [only around three inch’s Hard !], I learned to love SPH at a young age. While I prefer it being dished-out by another man, [well-hung, of course], it’s still exciting from a ‘strong’ woman as well,,,

  4. Yeah, this is an important distinction for us small dick club members to make to our sex partners as well as to understand ourselves. I have a small penis humiliation fetish. I simply revel in the kind of harsh, abusive, degrading treatment I receive from men and women regarding my silver member (going-for-the-gold) dick. Hardcore SPH gives me the most intense masturbation orgasms I can experience and keeps me in a constant state of sexual arousal through chronic masturbation. Really, I love it all: cuckoldry, domination/submission, caged chastity, joi, pussy-denial, pee-on-my-peepee, etc. But I do meet other small penis guys who enjoy SPH but only up to a point. As the author describes, teasing is about as far as they want to go. Anything harsher or nastier disrupts their sexual arousal. So, humiliation is not an accurate description of their sexual preference.
    By all means Yes, let’s distinguish between SPT and SPH.

  5. I think this is very honest and illuminating. It has made me think also, which is ver good.
    However let me put the case for SPH. As a silver member( 3.75 erect but amazingly a grower as a mere 1.5 flaccid) i have had my fair share of ridicule and patronisation from women about my member. iIused to dread sex for the first time with a new partner.
    I am now one of a threesome – My Mistress, her big-dicked BF and myself as a submissive cuckold. Both of them are contemptuous of my size. SPH aplenty from both. I can’t tell you what a release this has been for me – my penis to be an object of mirth. i no longer have to feel I have to measure up. I accept my position. i will never have sex again but i take amazing vicarious sexual pleasure from their very active and noisy sex- life.
    I have found a place where a small dick is an actual advantage, if not a pre-requisite. I now live with my head held high, for the first time.
    So there can be real solace in SPH.

  6. I am glad you wrote this explanation!, I never liked the concept of humiliation on a scale of 24/7. I had a wife who never had the guts to tell me she married the wrong guy with a little dick 5″, when I was a young man (4″ now). I would catch her fucking other guys with bigger dicks! I busTed my ass trying to please her sexually and financially for ten years. No other woman has ever acted like that toward me. I’ve had 2 other wives, and had one serious girlfreind. My present wife of 35 yrs. Would never act in such a way. Guys don’t mind if a girl teases nice…like….”last time you got me with that little boner, I thought I never stop cumming!”. If a man gets reinforcement it’s Great! Marcus

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