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This fictional story is the artistic expression of the author who wrote it. The Small Dick Club strongly believes in freedom of speech, and the right of artists to be heard, especially if what they say pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable in society. If you think you won’t like the content of this story, then don’t read it. It’s that simple. The Small Dick Club wishes to advise readers that any similarities in these stories to actual or real people or events is purely coincidental and unintended. That any story marked as a ‘true story’ shouldn’t be taken literally, as we have no way to verify if stories submitted to us are true. The Small Dick Club takes no responsibility for the imaginations and literary creations of authors who post their stories here.
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“This sure went in a weird direction,” said Selma.
“What do you mean?” said Minx.
“I mean, when we started, we were all complaining about our husbands,” Selma said, “and each of us was saying how no matter what we said or did, they never changed. We could nag them or be really nice or give them great sex, but nothing worked.”
“What’s weird about that?” asked Dora.
“Because while we were bitching, we all said they were more responsible now than when we married them and were doing things they never did before. We’re appreciative of how our husbands have changed, even while we wish they would change even more.”
“I suppose I should be grateful, but I’m still frustrated,” said Haley.
“Maybe this means we just need to be patient,” said Audrey. “We’re all lucky to have good men, and there’s nothing they can’t change if they decide to.”
“I guess you’re right,” said Laurie.
Nobody said anything for a while, and then a strange smile came over Selma’s face and she whispered something in Dora’s ear. Dora exploded in laughter, and everybody looked at her.
They were sitting around a table at Denny’s. Most of the dishes from their lunch had been cleared, and they were the only ones left in the restaurant. It was a little after 2 on a Saturday.
“Tell the rest of us,” said Minx. “No secrets.”
“I can’t,” said Selma. “It’s an inside joke. Not everybody here would get it.”
“Then you can explain it,” said Haley. “I can see you’re dying to tell us.”
“It’s something from high school, isn’t it?” said Audrey, who didn’t move to town and meet her best girlfriends until college. The others had all grown up here together.
That’s when Minx and Haley and Laurie looked at each other and at Selma and Dora, and they all began laughing.
“Why are you all looking at me and pretending not to?” said Audrey. “You all get the joke except me. It’s not fair. Tell me.”
The others tried to keep straight faces, but giggling and laughter kept breaking out. “I am not going to tell her,” said Minx. “I love you, Audrey, and this is mean. I don’t want to make you cry.”
“Oh shut up, Minx,” said Selma. “She already knows, and she obviously doesn’t care. I’m going to give her a hint.”
“No!” said Dora, Haley, Laurie and Minx, almost in unison, trying to control their giggles.
“It’s about what you said about men,” said Selma. “You said there’s nothing they can’t change if they have the right motivation.”
“That’s right,” said Audrey.
“Well, there are some things they can’t change,” said Selma.
“What?” said Audrey.
“I mean, yes, they can change those things, but not without surgery,” said Selma. “Do you get it now?” The other girls exploded into giggles again.
“What are you talking about?” said Audrey.
“You know,” said Selma. “I’m talking about Jasper.”
“Jasper?” said Audrey.
“Yes, we all know about Jasper,” said Selma, and the other girls held their breaths and watched Audrey’s reaction.
Audrey was quietly thinking. There was a puzzled expression on her face. Finally, she spoke.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just can’t understand what you mean. It’s something you know about Jasper that I’m supposed to know. But you’re going to have to spell it out, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, Audrey,” said Minx. “I knew it. We’ve hurt you. I knew you would take it the wrong way. You have a wonderful marriage. That’s what counts, not size.”
“I wish I knew what you meant so I could take it the right way, or even the wrong way,” said Audrey.
“Maybe she’s in denial,” said Dora.
“No, she’s not,” said Laurie. “She just can’t imagine everyone in our class knows about Jasper. We’re building this up all out of proportion. It’s no biggie. Omigod, did I just say that?” She and the others began giggling again while Audrey looked at them in frustration.
“OK,” said Minx. “That’s enough. Audrey, we’re talking about Jasper’s equipment. We all know how tiny he is. That’s what Selma meant about men not being able to change some things without surgery.”
Audrey still looked puzzled. She seemed to be processing what Minx had just said. They waited for her reaction. Finally, she spoke.
“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You all know about the size of Jasper’s penis. Is that what I just heard?”
“Yes,” said Minx, “… and this whole thing is silly. Who cares, as long as you’re happy?”
“Wait a second,” said Audrey. “You said that everybody in your high school class also knows.”
“Yes,” said Dora. “Once a secret like that is out, it spreads like wildfire. Jasper took a lot of ribbing. None of us ever made fun of him in public, but I heard some mean girls tormenting him, and I’m ashamed to say that I stood there and listened without saying anything.”
“Me, too,” said Dora. “I should have stepped in a few times, but I was really feeling awkward in high school and didn’t want to do anything that drew attention to me.”
“I was always surprised by how Jasper reacted,” said Haley. “He hasn’t changed a bit in that way, Audrey. He’s still the same, always cool as a cucumber. No matter what happens, he’s always positive, always smiling. I never heard any guys bother him, but whenever a girl would pick on him and bring up his size, he had this mysterious smile. Sometimes, it made the girl angry, because she wanted him to be embarrassed or humiliated, and she would get really abusive. But he just kept on smiling. You would have been proud of him.”
“That’s right,” said Minx. “I remember that, too.”
“Me, too,” said Dora.
“Me, too,” said Laurie and Selma, almost at the same time.
“OK,” said Audrey. “I think I’m starting to understand. You’re saying that everybody in high school knew that Jasper had a tiny penis.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” said Haley, “but I think almost everyone in the senior class knew.”
“How did they find out?” said Audrey. “Who was the one who started the rumour?”
The other women looked at each other and at Audrey. “I’m sorry, Audrey,” said Selma. “I don’t think any of us wanted it to go this far. I don’t remember who first mentioned it, but all of us found out for ourselves, so for us it wasn’t any rumour.”
“So you all slept with Jasper in high school,” said Audrey.
“But only one time,” said Minx. The others chimed in that they had also only slept with Jasper once.
“And that’s when you discovered that his penis was smaller than what you were used to,” said Audrey. “You had no idea before that.”
“Oh no!” said Laurie. “We all knew before we had sex with him. And I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I was only with two guys before Jasper. We all talked about this at your bachelorette party after you and the others went to bed and we kept on drinking. None of us had more than two or maybe three boyfriends in our senior year. But Jasper was so much smaller than any of them. We all remember how little it looked.”
“If you knew beforehand, why did you have sex with him?” said Audrey.
The others began giggling again. “We were just silly teenagers,” said Selma. “We were dying of curiosity.”
“So you didn’t sleep around that much, but each of you had sex one time with Jasper,” said Audrey. “That means he had five different girls in his senior year, but only once.”
“Oh there were others,” said Laurie.
“Really,” said Audrey. “How many?”
“I don’t know,” said Laurie, “… but I remember talking about how small he was with a few friends on the song leading squad. Each of them told me she had had sex with him once.”
“I didn’t know you were a song leader,” said Audrey, “but I should have guessed it. All of you are so cute. Were you all song leader’s?”
“No,” said Minx. “Dora and I were cheerleaders.”
“And the rest of you were song leaders,” said Audrey.
“Except for me,” said Selma.
“You’re as cute as the others,” said Audrey. “How come you weren’t chosen?”
“I didn’t go out,” said Selma. “I was too busy studying.”
“Of course,” said Audrey, “… you’re Miss Brainy. Let me guess. You were in the honour society with Jasper.”
“That’s right,” said Selma.
“Did you talk about Jasper with any other girls in the honour society?” said Audrey.
“I know what you’re asking,” said Selma. “Yes, there were some other girls who were curious about him. And if you’re a scientist, you want to personally observe the specimen, I guess.”
“And there were some other cheerleaders, too,” said Minx. “Wow! Audrey, you’ve uncovered a whole new side of Jasper. He sure made the most of what little he had.”
“I’ll say,” said Audrey. “I’m beginning to get the picture.”
“You don’t sound angry at all,” said Minx. “I’m so glad.”
“It all happened long before you met Jasper, anyway,” said Haley.
“I’m not angry,” said Audrey, “but I’m really curious. When each of you had sex with him, did he let you examine his penis closely? Did you measure it and then measure your other boyfriends? How did it feel with such a tiny thing moving around inside of you, or did you feel anything? Did you ask him out to trick him into showing you? I guess I’ll never know, because I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it.”
When she finished speaking, the other women looked at each other without saying anything, and then there was a burst of laughter that went on for a while. Audrey smiled quietly, but the others were holding their sides, and Laurie and Minx had to go to the bathroom. When it got quiet again, most of them were out of breath.
“I’m sorry,” said Haley. “But that was just too much. There’s nothing private about this. We’ve been talking about every detail for years. I think we’ve memorized every second we were with Jasper. He really made an impression on all of us.”
“Then you won’t mind telling me?” said Audrey.
“You’re not going to use it against him, are you?” said Minx. “You’re so calm. You must be a volcano underneath?”
“No,” said Audrey. “Like I said, right now, I’m just curious. But if you’re worried that I’ll attack him with an axe when I get home, I won’t insist. There’s really no good reason for me to know what he did in those days. He never told me that everybody in his class thought he had a tiny penis, so he’s not interested in my knowing. On the other hand, I’m sure he won’t be upset if you tell me what happened. The more I hear, the more I think we would have a good laugh about it.”
“I’m sure he’d be a good sport about it,” said Haley. “He always was.”
“So who goes first,” said Audrey.
They looked at each other and laughed again. “The funny thing is that after we told each other about our dates with Jasper, we found out that they were almost identical,” said Dora.
“I can’t remember who told about her date first, but we were rolling on the floor, because each of us could pick up the story at any point and say exactly what happened next. Jasper has a great sense of humour, but not much imagination.”
“Really?” said Audrey.
“I think Selma should tell you,” said Laurie. “She has a way of telling it that’s really humorous, and we can’t stop laughing. I vote for Selma.”
The others agreed that Selma should tell the story. Selma seemed flattered. She was beaming. “OK,” she said, turning to Audrey and taking her hands. “But I want you to understand that no matter what I tell you, I have a lot of respect for Jasper and you and what you’ve built together. Promise me you won’t hold this against me, or Jasper.”
“I promise,” said Audrey.
“OK,” said Selma. “This the story of my date with Jasper. It happened in January, right after I had been dumped by a boy named Ralph over the holidays. I had heard the rumours about Jasper, and someone had pointed him out, but I didn’t know him. He must have known Ralph, though, because he knew about the break-up almost as soon as my girlfriends did.
“I didn’t have a tape recorder, but I promise you, Audrey, he either said these exact words or something close to them. He came up to me at lunch and said he heard that I had broken up with Ralph, and he wanted to tell me he was sorry. I told him thanks.
“He asked me if I would meet him after school at the coffee house across the street, and I asked him why. He said that he had something he wanted to tell me in private. I told him I didn’t even know him, and he said that didn’t matter, because he thought I’d be interested in what he had to say. Then he said that I didn’t have to tell him right then. He’d be waiting for me, and if I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, I could just not show up, and he wouldn’t be mad at me. Then he said, ‘See you later’ and walked away.
“I couldn’t concentrate on school the rest of the afternoon because I was curious about what he would tell me and trying to make up my mind about whether to meet him. Curiosity won.
“After some small talk, he asked me if I knew anything about him. I blushed, and he said, ‘I guess you do know. That’s what I want to talk to you about, and I know you’ll think this is really weird, but just listen for a few minutes. I promise I’m just going to talk, and I won’t do anything else. Then you’ll leave, and I’ll stay and leave a little later, so nobody will even know you were talking to me.
“I’ve admired you for a long time. You didn’t notice because you’re such a hot song leader that every guy in the senior class stares at you just like I do. I admire your amazing body and your smile, and when I heard you and Ralph split up, I wanted to cheer you up, but I was probably the last person you wanted to see. What could I possibly do to make you laugh and forget your blues?
“Then I thought maybe the only thing I could offer you that no other boy could. You’ve already heard of it. It’s really little, and whenever a girl sees it, she starts laughing. No matter what her mood is, she brightens up.
“She plays with it and asks me all sorts of questions, and she always wants to know what it feels like inside, and I’m happy to show her. Afterwards, I ask her if she felt anything, and usually her answer is she isn’t sure, and she laughs some more.
“Sometimes she says things that are unkind, and she feels bad about it later, but I don’t mind. For me, it’s about making her laugh and forgetting her troubles. And even if she didn’t feel anything, I had a chance to make love to a beautiful girl. You are one of the most beautiful of all.
“I’d like to take you out Saturday night and take you to a hotel, where I can get a really nice room. And then I want to make you forget Ralph. I want to pleasure you with my body until you are in ecstasy. And if that doesn’t work, maybe you’ll laugh so much while I’m trying that you’ll be happy anyway.'”
“I was stunned, as you can imagine. I told him thanks for his good intentions, but what he was suggesting was so bizarre that it freaked me out. I said that I felt sorry for him, but he needed to see a psychiatrist who could help him deal with his problem. The last thing he should do is something that would make him feel even more humiliated.
“He thanked me for my consideration, and then he asked me if I had ever seen a tiny little penis on a man. He asked me if I remembered how big Ralph was, and I felt my face getting red. ‘Imagine if Ralph’s thing was as big as this pinkie,’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t have been able to help yourself. You would be laughing right now. Look at my feet.’ He stuck his feet out from under the table.
“‘Do you see how small my shoes are? Look at them. Now stick out your feet. Do you see that my feet are almost as small as yours. Have you ever heard about what the size of a man’s foot means. Look it up.
“‘You will probably never meet a man like me again and have a chance to humiliate him like this. You can imagine I’m Ralph while you’re making fun of me. I’ll let you touch my little man, play with it and see if you can get it hard. And later you can tell your friends and have some laughs.
“‘And you won’t ever have to be sorry. Because I promise you that no matter how much you humiliate me, even if you make me cry, I will forget all about it within a few days.’
“I told him that he had thought of everything and asked him if he had ever done this before. He said, sure, and asked me if he seemed to be depressed about it.
“I said no, but I still couldn’t do it.”
“He asked me if I wasn’t even a little curious, and I told him, of course I was, just like any girl would be, but that didn’t make it right to do to him what he was suggesting.
“Then he asked how I felt right then. I told him fine, and he said he would bet that during our conversation, I hadn’t thought about Ralph once except when he brought him up. I admitted that I hadn’t.
“‘See,’ he said. ‘I’ve managed to replace your thoughts about Ralph just talking about this. Just imagine if you accepted my offer.
“‘Maybe you’re thinking that afterward, you’ll be in an awkward situation because I’ll bother you. But I swear that I will never talk to you again. If we run into each other, and you say something to me, I’ll be polite. But this will be a one-time thing.
“‘And I will never tell anyone about what you did to me. I don’t care how many people you tell. Or if you never want to tell anyone, then only the two of us will ever know.
“‘That’s all I’m going to say because I can see you don’t want to do this, and I’m going to show you that I’m a man of my word. You should leave now. I won’t call you, and I won’t tell anyone about this meeting. It’s like it never happened.
“‘But I’ll be staying in that hotel room Saturday night. Here’s the address and the room number. If you change your mind, I promise you an evening you’ll never forget.'”
I said thank you and left. I knew that I would never go to that hotel. But of course, the next few days, I kept wondering what his little thing looked like. I imagined myself playing with it and laughing at him and making him cry. And Saturday night, I knocked at the door.
“He opened it and said hello, and when I came inside, he shut the door and grabbed me and gave me a big French kiss. It was a great kiss, but I got angry and pushed him away and even slapped his face. I asked him what that was all about and told him I wasn’t there to have sex with him. I just wanted to see it and leave.
“He said that I must have misunderstood. He was going to show it to me, but it was going to be the climax of his performance, not the sideshow. First he wanted to arouse me and give me so much pleasure that it would drive all the unhappy thoughts from my mind. Then would come the presentation and all the laughter and humiliation, and finally, only if I wanted, I could find out how it felt inside me. He said that he apologised if he didn’t spell this out clearly, but he wouldn’t be angry if I left now.
“I was upset, but I didn’t leave. I sat on the couch looking at him, and my mind was spinning. Was he tricking me or trapping me into some strange sex game? He looked sincere, and he made no move to come closer to me. Then he got up and went to the door and said, ‘I’m sorry. I think you probably want to go now.’
“That’s when I realised that yes, he was tricking me, but I wanted to be tricked. I wanted to see his little thing and make fun of it. I wanted to humiliate him to forget how Ralph had humiliated me. I wasn’t going to leave. I sat there thinking for a few minutes while he stood at the door. Then I got up and went over to one of the chairs and started taking off my clothes with my back to him.
“I saw him walk over to another chair and turn his back to me and do the same thing. I smiled as I watched him. No matter what he had told me, he still wasn’t eager for me to see it. I tried to look at it as we got into bed, but I didn’t really see it that well. Then Jasper went to work.
“Pretty soon, I wasn’t thinking about anything except how I was feeling like I never felt before. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, Audrey, but apparently to make up for his weakness in one area, Jasper became a master in every other area. Never before or since have I meet a man who could use his mouth, his tongue, his hands and everything else the way Jasper did. He gave me pleasure so intense that I began crying from sheer happiness.
“After he brought me to a couple of orgasms, the only thing missing was something in my vagina. I told him to put it in. He said, ‘Are you sure?’ I said, ‘Yes I’m sure, god-damn it, and put it in right now!’ I was out of my mind. He put it in and started moving it slowly. I yelled faster and kept yelling and he kept going faster until his body was pounding mine really hard. As he did, I felt waves of orgasm washing over me. I don’t know how many I had, but one time, I heard him, and he was coming with me.
“We both collapsed and lay there. My mind was a blank for a while. When my breath was finally back to normal, I was thinking that I was so far gone that I didn’t even remember him putting his little penis in me, and I couldn’t remember how it felt. I couldn’t remember anything except what an amazing experience it was. But now I was curious again.
“‘OK, let me see it,’ I said.
“‘It’s covered by a rubber,’ he said. ‘Let me go to the bathroom and wash it off. I’ll be right back.’ He was in the bathroom for a long time. I was wondering if he was regretting what he had promised and would try to find a way to frustrate me. But then he came out and lay down in the middle of the bed. I got up and turned on the lights. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him, I wanted a close look.
“Then it was just like he had said. I couldn’t help laughing. He tried to pretend it didn’t bother him, but I could tell he wasn’t comfortable. I poked and pulled and flicked and squeezed, and I got a little carried away, and he said a couple of times to take it easy. I was thinking of Ralph, and I wanted to hurt him, but then I came to my senses.
“We didn’t say much while we were getting dressed, and before we left, I told him that I had a great time. I told him that I was sure he’d soon find a girlfriend who didn’t care about his weakness, because of his strengths in other areas.
“I told him that he had gotten me so excited that I hadn’t even noticed how small he was when he first put it inside me. I said that he had aroused me so much that if he had put a green bean inside me, I would have still come. I told him that unfortunately, most women would want more than a green bean most of the time. By most women, I meant me. I think he understood, because he told me again that he would keep his promise, that he would never try to have sex with me again and that he wouldn’t tell anyone about anything that had happened that night. I thanked him and kissed him good night. He didn’t try to French me.
“The funny thing is that a month later, I thought about him again. In the meantime, I had started dating another guy. We had sex, and it was fine, but one night I thought about Jasper again, and I called him. I don’t think he was alone from the way he talked. He asked me to call him the next day.
“When we spoke, he was polite but cool. I told him that I called to say that I appreciated that he had kept his promise, and that I had good feelings about the night we spent together, and I wouldn’t mind a repeat. He told me that wouldn’t work, because it would break his rule.
“I said that how could it break his rule if I was suggesting it to him? He said he understood what I was saying, but he had certain rules that he didn’t violate, so he couldn’t see me again. He said he had heard that I was dating again, so he hoped that maybe our night together had helped in some way. I was a little angry, but I tried not to show it. That was the last time I talked to him until he started dating you. He’s never brought up what happened, and I haven’t either. And that’s the whole story.”
Audrey was watching Selma closely during the story. At the beginning, she nodded a few times. Later, at times her brows would furrow, but then they relaxed again. When Selma was done, she took a deep breath and smiled.
“That was some story,” she said.
“It’s almost the same as my story,” said Haley, and the others chimed in to say how it was similar to them.
“I have a couple of questions,” said Audrey, “and then if you want to hear any more stories about Jasper, I can tell you two of my own.
“The first question is about the foreplay. Was that the same as Selma said for all of you? You’re nodding. So you all were so excited that you told him to put his penis in you before you really took a look at it?”
“I saw it,” said Selma, and the others said they did, too.
“But it was just for a moment while you were getting into bed,” said Audrey. “Isn’t that what you said? Could you really tell how small it was from a quick look.”
“Oh, I’m sure it was small,” said Laurie, and the others agreed.
“Besides,” said Minx, “we all spent a lot of time after we had sex getting to know it, and all of us but Haley turned the lights on. It was definitely a peanut penis.” They all laughed, and so did Audrey.
“Right,” she said. “You saw it after he went to the bathroom and took off his rubber and washed it off. You all said he took a while in the bathroom. Did any of you go to the bathroom, too, after he came out?”
Only Dora thought she did.
“Now think, Dora?” said Audrey. “While you were in the bathroom, did you see any ice, or was there anything else unusual?”
“No,” she said. “I didn’t see anything unusual. I think it was cooler in the bathroom than the bedroom, but I was really hot and sweaty.”
“Did any of you notice whether his penis felt cold when he came back to bed from the bathroom?” said Audrey. Nobody did.
“I don’t have any more questions,” said Audrey.
“But you said you have some stories about Jasper,” said Selma. “Are they about sex?”
“Yes,” said Audrey. “Do you want to hear them? You all do? I’m just a little concerned that one of them might upset you a bit at first, but once you think about it, we’ll all have a good laugh.
“The first story starts out almost like yours. When I met Jasper, I liked him, and even though I was dating two other guys that I liked, I gave him my number and went out with him when he called.
“The first date was nice. We got to know each other, and I liked him even more. We didn’t have sex. But on the second date, he started asking me questions that led to a discussion of disappointments in our lives. After I told him about some problems I was dealing with, he told me he knew of a way to get them out of my mind so I could move on.
“Then he told me the same story he told you, about his penis and how much fun it would be for me to humiliate him. I told him I never wanted to see him again because I had totally misjudged him. I said I would never date a man who was obsessed with the size of his genitals.
“He said he understood, but if I changed my mind, he’d be in the hotel room and gave me the address and room number. I tore them up in front of him and wrote down my phone number and gave it to him and said that if he promised never to mention the size of his penis again, I would like to hear from him. He called a week later, and we went out and ended up having sex at his place. Afterward, he said he wanted to take off his rubber and wash himself in the bathroom. He was in there a long time.
“When he came out, we held each other and talked. I made it a point not to look anywhere near his penis, but I felt it against me and also his balls. They were both ice cold. I wondered what he had done in the bathroom, because they were nice and warm while we were making love. I thought they felt like they had been inside an ice pack, and I was curious. But I didn’t want to get into any discussion about his penis, so I didn’t ask what he had done.
“I never got a good look at his penis that night, but of course, after a while, I did. I don’t have a lot of experience with penises. I’ve only had sex with six, make that seven, men. But I have noticed that each one was different. Some of the larger ones just got hard and didn’t grow. And some of the smaller ones exploded to triple their size or more when they were stimulated. That’s the kind of penis Jasper has. When it’s asleep, it doesn’t look like much, even though I wouldn’t call it tiny. But when he’s aroused, that thing is formidable. Not a giant one like in porn films, but plenty big.
“That’s the end of story number one. The second story is about one night after we had been married a few years. I forget now what he had been telling me, but it was some story about someone, and I told him, ‘That’s disgusting!’
“A minute later, he said, ‘What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done?’
“I told him he didn’t want to hear it.
“‘Then it has something to do with me,’ he said. ‘Tell me. I promise I won’t be mad.’
“‘OK,’ I said, ‘But you asked for it. It happened when we were first dating. Remember, I told you I was going out with two other guys that I really liked. One night, I was out with one of them, and we had sex in his apartment. When I got home, my mind was in a turmoil, and I called you and you came over.
“‘We ended up having a wild night of sex. You never noticed that I was already moist and puffy from earlier, but I was thinking about it. The other boyfriend had used a condom, so there wasn’t anything in there, but I still felt disgusted with myself. The next day, I called both of the other guys and broke it off.’
“He listened, but didn’t say anything. He was thinking. I got impatient after a while.
“‘You didn’t react to what I told you,’ I said. ‘Was it so disgusting that you’re afraid to tell me what you think.’
“‘No, not at all,’ he said. ‘I don’t think it was that bad.’
“‘OK,’ I said, ‘now it’s your turn.’
“‘What do you mean?’ he said.
“‘I mean, I told you mine,’ I said. ‘Now you have to tell me yours.’
“You should have heard him trying to get out of telling me. He went every which way, including saying things that made absolutely no sense, to try to change the subject, but I wouldn’t give up, and finally he gave in.
“‘I wasn’t always the kind of guy I am now,’ he said. ‘My senior year in high school, I was really disgusting. I’m glad I didn’t know you then, because I’m sure we wouldn’t be married now. I was a horrible person.’
“He stopped, and he told me again he really didn’t want to go on, because he was worried about how I would react. I promised him that what he did in high school was no concern of mine, and he finally told me his story.
“‘During the summer vacation between my junior and senior year, I delivered food from a Chinese restaurant,’ he said. ‘One of my deliveries was to a hot older woman — at least 35 seemed old to me then. She seduced me, and then taught me how to please a woman in bed. I was an eager student, and I spent every minute of my spare time with her all summer. I became obsessed with sex, and I started thinking about girls I knew at school who turned me on. I made up all sorts of schemes in my mind about getting them to sleep with me, and then one day at this lady’s house, I was reading one of her books of erotic stories, and I came up with an idea.
“‘I put together my plan, and I went to work. My goal was to sleep with every song leader, every cheerleader and every girl in the honour society. And I nearly succeeded, but two of the song leaders were religious.’
“I looked at him and said, ‘Jasper, how could you do that? Where were your morals?’
“‘I don’t know,’ he said, ‘but I did have some rules. Number one was that I never had sex with a girl when I had to ask. She had to ask me.
“‘Number two was, I never told anyone else. You’re the first person who knows about this, and I still won’t tell you which girls or anything about what we said and did.
“‘And number three, I slept with each of them only once. I didn’t want them getting involved with a horrible person like me. So after I took advantage of them, I made sure they moved on to somebody better.
“‘Does the whole thing turn your stomach?’
“I looked at him, and I burst out laughing. ‘It is the most disgusting story you ever told me,’ I said, ‘and it’s a good thing for you that I know you’re lying. You’re playing with me. Now I know why you were quiet for so long after I told you my story, which was true, by the way. You were thinking up this crazy story. Maybe I would have believed the part about the older woman seducing you. But you have sex with all the song leaders and cheerleaders and girls in the honour society. That part is just too incredible to swallow. Next time you tell this story, you should change that part.’
“All he said was ‘OK,’ but he looked relieved. I thought it was because he had gotten away with not telling me something disgusting that he had really done. But I didn’t feel like pressing him anymore, because I enjoyed his imagination.
“You know, I never thought of his story again until today.”